Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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