you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
