I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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