But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize