Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
