We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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