At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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