I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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