It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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