Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
