I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
