It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
