Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
