I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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