Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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