Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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