i will never coherently bang her
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
