so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
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