dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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