fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
