I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
