do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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