maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
