I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize