you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
