dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
