so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
