My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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