Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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