Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
