You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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