I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
