According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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