I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
