woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
