I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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