just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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