Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
