if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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