Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
