I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
