even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
