worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
