1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
