so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
