she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
