Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize