i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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