told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My life is pants optional.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
