well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
