Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm always down for nudity.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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