He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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