It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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