i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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