Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
