We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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