We're like a lot better than the average bears
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I deserve this hangover.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
