apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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