On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
