She said her name was "party"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
