We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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