so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
