Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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