Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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