No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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