i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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