Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
